how to put your past where it belongs

•November 4, 2007 • 1 Comment

so i’ve come to the conclusion that i’ve been stuck in my head for years…huh?? how to explain – well i, like many, have had a tragic, roller coaster of a life…too many issues and events that clearly should have been dealt with in a therapy session…ok, many therapy sessions…but i figured out when i was a lot younger that shoving the hideous tragedy or whatever the horror was at the time, as far back into my mind as possible, was easy as cake for me to do….now that i’m oh so older and wiser (ha!) i see the way i have screwed myself and now i’m forever ignoring things that should be looked at seriously

this may all not make a bit of sense to any of you, but to the ones that it does make sense to, welcome! i just really want and NEED to find a way to move on, to be able to say – the past is the past – and actually mean it…sure i’ve read and heard many different ways to accomplish this goal, but none have worked for me…or is it that i haven’t really given it my full attention?? isn’t it much quicker and less painful to take the easy way out?? change the subject, pour a drink, start an arguement and direct the focus on someone else, pop a pill, be promiscous, party, etc….but what does any of that really do?? nothing positive that’s for sure

so for me, i’m starting out on this ‘public’ road (if anyone reads this!) to try and finally accept my past and move the hell forward in my life…i have so much to offer and for some reason (sure there are many actually) i just lack the fire to do anything